literally had 100 drinks last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
