Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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