There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Cover your peen. We're going out.