i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?