Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!