We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.