he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.