Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.