Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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(425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility. http://tfl.nu/j5r5

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(805): View more from California

Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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(805): Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick. http://tfl.nu/20nm

Replies (21) Good night (350) Bad night (2818) Order T-Shirt
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(516): View more from New York

He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.

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(516): He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room. http://tfl.nu/sh2m

Replies (20) Good night (685) Bad night (3009)
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(469): View more from Texas

I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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(469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig

Replies (9) Good night (5112) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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(850): View more from Florida

so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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(850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq

Replies (62) Good night (1038) Bad night (8956) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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(503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p

Replies (15) Good night (582) Bad night (3027) Order T-Shirt
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(775): View more from Nevada

hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class

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(775): hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class http://tfl.nu/hb3s

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.

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(608): no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed. http://tfl.nu/ynv2

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(757): View more from Virginia

i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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(757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6

Replies (7) Good night (1321) Bad night (2627)
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(404): View more from Georgia

hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

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(404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg

Replies (37) Good night (4258) Bad night (7240) Order T-Shirt
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(319): View more from Iowa

should my penis look like a turkey

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(319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w

Replies (18) Good night (723) Bad night (5180) Order T-Shirt
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(407): View more from Florida

At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER

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(407): At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER http://tfl.nu/tf88

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(707): View more from California

I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor

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(707): I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/hlsl

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(567): View more from Ohio

For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.

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(567): For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts. http://tfl.nu/swyw

Replies (10) Good night (1885) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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(732): View more from New Jersey

She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.

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(732): She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked. http://tfl.nu/ufw5

Replies (3) Good night (1150) Bad night (203)

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