I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.