Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
birth control should be required to get into college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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