doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
