the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
