I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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