I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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