when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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