I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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