time to smoke my breakfast
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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