plz talk dirty to me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
