you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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