Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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