How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
