How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
