so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
