Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
