Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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