If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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