Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
