just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
