I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
