I smell stomach acid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.