i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
