dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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