I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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