i love accidental penises.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
