we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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