how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
