she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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