I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
