There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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