Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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