If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
