I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
