Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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