don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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