dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize