I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize