just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
