Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize