I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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