someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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