I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
