Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
