she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
