Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
