my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
