jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
