Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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