We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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