But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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