No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
