if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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