Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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