You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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