How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
