Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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