Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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