dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
