And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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